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J. Jacques

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TWEETSPAM: BAND SIMILE EDITION [Jan. 10th, 2010|12:26 am]
J. Jacques
Sometimes I get on Twitter and just go off on an hours-long stream-of-consciousness tangentrant. This is one of those times.

click here for BAND SIMILESCollapse )

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[User Picture]From: cjchatwin
2010-01-10 06:34 pm (UTC)
How about these guys?


The band's name used to be 'The Pettit Project' and is now 'Love You To Death'
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[User Picture]From: ice_coldheart
2010-01-10 07:11 pm (UTC)

And on your left...

...you will see the shattered remains of Sir Jeph Jacques' psyche. See there, on the wall? The neat, almost graceful splatter of his brainmeatz? Paints quite the picture of the almost Machiavellian workings of what was left of his mind at this point. This would make even Salvador Dali blush.

In a word: WIN!
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[User Picture]From: skippyelephant
2010-01-10 07:35 pm (UTC)
I wish you made up a hashtag for these so everyone could get in on it? #bandmetaphors? #bandsaspeople?
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From: lord_ecks
2010-01-10 08:04 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: gdh
2010-01-10 07:50 pm (UTC)
Rasputina is the girl who was awesome in bed but unlacing a corset is so much more work than undoing a bra.

Hole was the crazy drunk girl who's a burnt-out meth-head now so and no one will admit to sleeping with her back in the day, but everyone did because she was awesome.

Nine Inch Nails was the guy you first did drugs with, so it's weird that he's now the most sober and healthy person you know, and you're kinda happy for him but you miss how crazy and awesome he used to be back when you'd get high with him and fuck all night.

KMFDM is the crazy anarchist punker boyfriend your parents disapproved of in high school, and when you meet him again one day at the 20th reunion he still has the same haircut.

The Weakerthans is the crazy anarchist punker boyfriend your parents disapproved of in highschool who's now a college professor in a tweed jacket with elbow patches.

Motorhead is banging your girlfriend RIGHT NOW and you're not even really mad about it because Motorhead is just that awesome.

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From: drbugaboo
2010-01-10 10:54 pm (UTC)
The above comment made me so happy to be alive.
You have no idea, the KMFDM one is solid gold in a Swarovski crystal lined truck bed.
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[User Picture]From: madfishmonger
2010-01-10 07:50 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: redknot
2010-01-10 07:56 pm (UTC)
These are all amazing.
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[User Picture]From: stocktaking
2010-01-10 08:14 pm (UTC)
Meshuggah is that really intense-looking guy who you see around that everyone's afraid of but when you run into him at a party and you've forgotten your beer will give you half of his even though he just met you

Cardiacs are a really tall thin nervous intense band geek with a tidy haircut, papery-looking skin, and skinny tie who got teased by a bully once and then kicked the living shit out of said bully while screaming and crying

St. Vincent is that gorgeous girl who you finally get up the guts to ask out and she just smiles because she knows it's a compliment and doesn't want to hurt your feelings but you both know she's way the fuck out of your league and always will be
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[User Picture]From: gwalla
2010-01-11 01:34 am (UTC)
That is the best description of the Cardiacs ever.
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[User Picture]From: deepsecond
2010-01-10 08:29 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: sketch_artist
2010-01-10 08:57 pm (UTC)
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs will do anal on the first date, but you still respect them afterwards.
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[User Picture]From: stocktaking
2010-01-10 09:14 pm (UTC)
PJ Harvey is a girl with a dark, complex sense of humour with whom you have a few dates and some good conversations, then you call it off because you think she may be a junkie (but she is actually a brilliant oncologist)

The Hanson Brothers are beer itself
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[User Picture]From: sketch_artist
2010-01-10 09:21 pm (UTC)
Hanson is warm 3:2 beer.
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[User Picture]From: sketch_artist
2010-01-10 09:21 pm (UTC)
Spoon is your Dad's best friend who's actually kinda cool.

Weezer is a bi-polar girl who you can only get with when she's depressed.

The Who is a hermaphroditic Unicorn, riding a rainbow.

Bird and the Bee are a half-asian girl you crush on, but never get a chance to talk to her.

Nouvelle Vague is an average looking chick who freaks out everyone at the karaoke night with her awesome voice (ala Susan Boyle).

Primus is your cousin with "special needs" who you love, but you still laugh at the weird shit they say.

Slayer dropped out senior year, got his GED and now works at the gas station near your parent's house.

KISS shows up at your door wearing a trench coat and nothing else.
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[User Picture]From: stocktaking
2010-01-10 09:35 pm (UTC)
Rush is a dude in a Rush shirt.
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[User Picture]From: redbeardjim
2010-01-11 05:06 am (UTC)
Well, of course!
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[User Picture]From: lifeishype
2010-01-10 10:44 pm (UTC)
joanna newsom is that homeschooled chick who goes to renaissance fairs and just got introduced to mainstream schooling in the 11th grade.
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[User Picture]From: ljvscmr
2010-01-11 12:23 am (UTC)
qcjeph, I'd be intrigued to know your similes for any/all of these:

Mr. Bungle

Shellac Of North America

Hot Snakes




The Dillinger Escape Plan



DJ Shadow

Faith No More
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[User Picture]From: nikkithebee
2010-01-11 12:46 am (UTC)
I feel like I should fuel this fire:

Streetlight Manifesto?
Reel Big Fish?
Adam Ant (or Adam and the Ants, take your pick)?
The Aquabats?
Bomb the Music Industry?
Oingo Boingo?
Five Iron Frenzy?
Mad Caddies?
Motley Crue?
Tenacious D?
Whitest Boy Alive?
The Toasters?
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[User Picture]From: jackolantern
2010-01-11 01:39 am (UTC)
Bowie is the guy that you might sleep with even if you're not sexually into guys at all. In other words, Bowie is Bowie.
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From: isilbastet
2010-01-11 01:44 am (UTC)
Oh god. Silversun Pickups?
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[User Picture]From: soulfulgray
2010-01-11 02:56 am (UTC)
Ah, Daft Punk... The love child between a robot and a sentient orgasm.

I don't think I've laughed so much at a blog in... forever. THANK YOU!
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[User Picture]From: jackrivet
2010-01-11 03:00 am (UTC)
The Knife?

I'm thinking the girl you meet sometimes that is strangely beautiful but is wired to function on a completely different wavelength, rightly or wrongly making her seem icily distant.

Maybe you get to fuck once or twice after meeting her at a club, but she never calls; not out of malice so much as she genuinely forgot that you exist.
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From: hermetic_artist
2010-01-11 03:23 am (UTC)
Abney Park is that chick with a decent body who is WAY too into LARP.
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[User Picture]From: gloomy_groove
2010-01-11 03:44 am (UTC)
Cake is your weird Jewish pot dealer that always wants to smoke with you because he doesn't have any friends.

What about Pinback?
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[User Picture]From: knighthorse
2010-01-11 04:29 am (UTC)
Metallica, Porcupine Tree and The Decemberists = Freaking brilliantly hilarious!!
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From: onigamizero
2010-01-11 08:34 am (UTC)


I feel like challenging:

The Dears is that one kid in the liberal arts college who HATED being everyone's token black friend (especially because they were only half-black), but said nothing because they'd otherwise have no friends.

Destroyer is the chick who was in your league but tried way too hard not to be by putting up a hipster façade. That's right, a fake hipster.

Sunset Rubdown is that guy who could show you all the beautiful things in the world, and give you hope in humanity, if he wasn't so goddamn scared of talking to you.

I dare you to do better, Jeph. At least on the last two.
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[User Picture]From: hugweed
2010-01-11 11:43 am (UTC)
le tigre is the girl who tried to bite your nipple off while she made you jizz, and you liked it
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[User Picture]From: dsukiki
2010-01-11 03:12 pm (UTC)
I would love your (or really anybody else can play) take on:
Songs: Ohia
Arcade Fire
Meg Lee Chin
Damien Rice
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